Today it is exactly one month since we moved into our new home. We are far from done in terms of all the setting up and settling in activities, but the last of the boxes have been unpacked, internet works and we are ready to host already our third set of guests (yes!) since we moved into our new place.
And so, dear husband reflected that it was time to pat ourselves on the back on completing one of the biggest undertakings yet, of our adult lives. “Not really…,” I started to say. And then I tried to think of what else would make the cut- moving countries, getting married, significant work projects, new jobs, new relationships etc etc.. yes, significant. But few other things have needed this much hard work- physical and mental, or had to be done so independently.
I have moved houses before- thrice, in fact, in a span of three years when I worked in Mumbai. And well, moving houses in the western world is nothing like moving houses in India. In India, I barely did anything- the packers packed and the movers moved, and you did some bit of readjustment to what they did. My favourite part was riding in the front of the truck triumphantly as they took the furniture and boxes all packed to the new apartment.
You disposed of things you did not want to take along whichever way you liked (or actually asked somebody to do it for you), and you bought new furniture on a whim even at 10 pm and insisted that it be delivered the same night to your place. Every single service provider was either available after office hours or could do what you asked over the phone.
Compare that with carefully segregating even small pieces of scrap, metal, paper and plastic to be disposed, and disposing them in different collection points… furniture takes up to a month to be delivered with up to 30% mark-up on cost, for the delivery…every single service provider works the same hours as you- so if you need something done, you better be flexible with your work schedule. Yes, even apartment viewings only happen during office hours. Service provider even means different things- in India it means someone who will basically take the thing off your hands and do it for you; in the west, unless you are looking to spend a few months’ salary, it typically means someone who will do a part of the process to enable you to do it yourself. (Is one better than the other? One is better for the customer, the other is better for the society.) These contrasts were anyway known to us, and hardly a surprise. But there were still quite a few things which I learnt, which amused me, or moved me (pun intended) in this experience.
• First up- I can do it! So, I was the more enthusiastic party about the move and therefore took the lead, which dear husband was more than happy about. Even though I have never considered my administrative skills a strength (ahem), I waded through everything- even the paperwork, with much enthusiasm. In fact we were able to move pretty quickly- we had started the search, found the place we wanted, applied for, and got selected, planned for, and moved into the new house- in under 2 months! It typically takes longer than that in our city, just to find an apartment you might like. Luck played a role as well, of course. As did dear husband- for his quick readiness despite initial reluctance.
I sometimes think there are actually two people living inside me- one who is a poet and artist, who enjoys a languid pace of life with empty stretches and staring at the sky.. and the other is almost an obsessive-manic doer who cannot rest till there is work to do. I even feel like a different person in these two phases. I have now been in the 2nd phase for the last three months at least, and can find myself slowing gravitating towards the 1st one now.
• On a related note, I have also discovered that just as babies are known to get cranky when they are sleepy, some adults do as well. While the normal reaction to getting tired might be to rest or sleep, and to getting hungry might be to eat, I often realize I am tired or hungry because I start losing patience with people, or get very demanding. And with all this work in recent months, I had an epiphany that next time I find someone getting snappy and impatient a lot, to ask them gently if they may be tired. I guess we hear a lot of ‘Mom is always scolding’ type comments because the poor lady is tired. She may not have even stopped to acknowledge it.
Dear husband realized this long before I did- part of the reason he’s always making sure I’ve had something to eat 🙂
• Speaking of dear husband, one thing which amused me no end through this entire process was how extremely different, nay, opposite my husband and I are. Our approaches are usually 180 degrees apart. Our brains work in completely different ways- sometimes the plains on which we are thinking about the same topics, don’t even intersect. Oh, and we jointly decide every single thing. This is a ridiculously time-consuming and exhausting process that we find we cannot give up on. I was over-the-moon about the move, he was initially sad. When we first went to view our current home, I stepped out within a few minutes, quite sure it was not for us, while it happened to be the first one where dear husband said, “I think we should apply! No?”
But here’s the really important part- I went for a second viewing because of that divergent opinion, and I cannot be more grateful. This is among my most important learnings (and I still need to get better) over the last couple of years, personally and professionally- to surround yourself with people who operate and think completely differently from you. If you are really interested in a good outcome rather than your ego, you will value it infinitely. It is also not easy when you don’t know/ trust the intent of the other person, but if you do, what a pleasure it is.
• I suddenly speak German! Well, some grammatically incorrect German with limited vocabulary, but reasonably fluent. This happened over just a few weeks- and all the past classes and study that lay dormant behind a veil of shyness came boldly forth when there was no choice but to speak in German every time I was calling a company for a viewing, or speaking with tenants, local authorities, service providers etc. etc. It’s like when a child starts to speak I guess- I felt that something intangible, even outside of me, suddenly became accessible to my brain.
• The gymming pays off.. All the packing, bending, lifting, cleaning, re-cleaning, scrubbing etc. etc. The physical effort has been unlike anything I have done before, and I could not have done it a few years back. Folks in the western world (and I can only speak for Europe) focus so much on their physical fitness in part because they seek to remain independent well into their old age and be able to do all the regular tasks (including cleaning the house, mowing the lawn, carrying groceries, gardening etc.) by themselves. And vice versa, they remain fit also because they do all these things.
Interestingly, after a particularly long day spent cleaning our old apartment when I went into a bath I saw the kind of muscles that even the gymming could not develop. It was my Karate Kid moment, like when Dre finds out he’s grown strong by bending, picking up, and hanging his jacket!
• Speaking of cleaning the old home, that is one task which I will outsource the next time round. It took two of us three days to do it. Unlike what I imagined, it was not an emotional journey, reminiscing moments in different parts of the home. Also unlike what I imagined, the emotions kicked in when we handed over the keys and realized we would never be going back into what had been our home for last several years. We make checklists about what all that we want in a house. And yet, the most important feature of any house is that it is your home.
• Believe it or not, due to some mix-up we did not have TV and internet service till yesterday i.e. for a full month. Two things I realized: 1) I hardly missed it. 2) the amount of work you can get done even after a full work day, without Netflix and chill calling out to you seductively, is impressive!
• A practical tip we would like to continue following: Keep it simple. We are not minimalists, but except for clothes (mainly mine :D) we might be close. That has the huge advantage of not worrying too much about losing/ damaging things, and more importantly to create a physical space that is free-er. I will never buy cutlery which will demand that I ask my guests to be careful. We have to be careful about the wooden floor in our new place, but everything else on it is person-friendly, and I would like to keep it that way.
