While tarot cards are commonly known as a tool for fortune-telling, it’s a delightful discovery to see their potency as a tool for meditation, personal insight and transformation. And it is true that the cards are intelligent and carry their own energy and wisdom, as well as timing. I have drawn 4 cards to meditate on for the month of August, as below.
We all think of ourselves as honest folks in general.. as authentic or ‘genuine’ people. What we mean by that is that we do not intend to purposely hurt others, and that we try as best as possible to stay true to a certain code of ethics.
And yet it is common to hear people admit, in the quiet moments, to a sense of internal disconnection, at times a feeling of being ‘lost’, a disquieting feeling of not being their ‘authentic self’. This often points to (what I’ve come to call) not being in ‘alignment’ with our inner self. This inner self has unique needs and desires, and hunger for specific soul-food which nobody else can tell us about, and it is therefore entirely our own work to figure out and respond to.
We may sometimes assume that the authentic self must be the usual, effortless state in which everyone exists, and there may be something uniquely wrong with us for feeling differently. That what appears, in the absence of any overt external force, must be the authentic self. In fact, however, this authentic self is more likely hard earned through an arduous journey.
Some wise person had said that when we are born, we are joyful, free and creative, and only if we are courageous and lucky enough, we re-claim that state after growing up. The journey of the soul typified in the Tarot’s Major Arcana follows similar trajectory- first there is external mastery, then internal soul discovery. Learning, then unlearning.
When we make a commitment to moving more in alignment with our true self: the child-like, open, joyful, blazing and bright self (The Sun Card), we are agreeing to looking and feeling worse before we begin to feel better. We are committing to unlearning, to breaking down structures which have served us, to challenging ways which seem to work well enough.
So we must expect to come face to face with aspects of ourselves standing staunchly in defense of ways that have been. These aspects of us are scared and defensive (the 9 of Wands Card) and don’t want things to crumble just yet till they know what’s on the other side.
The journey to our authentic self, challenges something deeply within us. What is challenged is a tired and wounded, but ever-on-guard part of our psyche. It is tired standing guard, but it doesn’t want to give up yet, because it is scared as hell.
I created this spread design intuitively for this reading, and I am delighted with how it has ended up telling a story almost pictorially. The scared self (9 of wands) is looking worriedly at the successful self which has conquered the external world (The Chariot). “What will happen to all this worldly progress if I let my guard down?”
This awful feeling does not feel like progress at all. Perhaps some may take this as an indication to turn back. This reading however has challenged me to meditate on what progress is.
It bears saying that progress is not necessarily marked by movement towards clarity. Often it is moving from relative clarity to confusion and fear. But that only means that things have moved from where they were. The emergence of our fears and defenses into conscious awareness is a first step towards alignment. It shows willingness to see them (rather than them unconsciously guiding all our actions), as well as an expanded consciousness in our ability to see them. Being able to say that something is a bit of a mess actually, is progress.
Remember that these blocks, though there may be many and recurring, are temporary, while the authentic self is enduring even when it is blocked.
The scared self is not noticing the filled cup being offered to it (by the King of Cups).
Emotions are all valid- fear, defense mechanisms, anxiety. What is also valid is a bigger aspect of the self which has the ability to tolerate all these emotions, honour them and act with consideration and maturity. In essence, emotional intelligence. This aspect of the self has the ability to sit with a firm footing in the midst of heaving waves and currents of this journey.
Such a ‘feeling’ self (King of Cups) may feel very different from the ‘doing’ self (Chariot). I myself experience these two aspects almost as two different people within myself. And yet, the most meaningful and truly fulfilling ‘doing’ cannot be separated from ‘feeling’ and vice versa. It seems obvious once you say it. But one can easily be very stupid about it. We regularly create duality out of things where none is needed.
I remember saying to someone in a certain situation, “How does one decide whether to use the head or the heart?” The person had responded, “Well, seeing that we are given both, I’d assume we are meant to use both.”
External progress that does not honour inner knowing and feeling eventually feels dull and lifeless. It is often at this point that the hunt for the authentic self and alignment begins.
The manifestation of the authentic self would take place by traversing the “real” world (rooted in firm earth as in the Chariot) as well as the subtle world (water/Cups), honouring both. There is the ‘easy’ strength of willful execution. Then there is the deeper strength of emotional maturity and intuitive guidance. The authentic self calls upon both together to lovingly overcome the scared, defensive parts which emerge time and again; to act from deep knowing and feeling.
The cards for this month are asking the questions..
Where is your chariot headed to?
Where is your naked child-like true self to be found?
What part of you is standing tensely on guard and against what?
What might happen if you set down your weapons and drink from the cup of intuition and feeling?
What looks like progress for each of these (above) four aspects?
What would aligned and integrated progress look like?
